Peace

For the longest time, I have had a hard time finding peace in my life. I haven't been truly happy. There were moments when I could laugh with friends and forget all my troubles but after that moment had passed, my troubles would come back to haunt me like the plague. I was hopeless and didn't know what to do. One thing came after the other and life refused to give me a break. I was so down and felt completely lost. Until tonight.

After weeks of feeling uneasy and like I was wondering in the dark searching desperately for a light switch, I finally broke down tonight. It was after midnight but I didn't care. It was cold, but I didn't care. I had to leave my appartment and be alone for a while. It was absolutely necessary. My roommate didn't want me to go out alone but I had to. I couldn't just sit still and feel sorry for myself any more. So, with my winter coat on my back and my soft-sock fabric gloves and my 6 foot long hat and my kneehigh socks and black boots, I walked out the door with my cellphone in one pocket and my keys in the other.

And I just started walking.

Planning on going to the Temple, I took a right and walked east up the hill. Little did I know that the grounds were still open. As I crossed the gate and onto sacred ground, I felt a peace around me that I haven't felt in a long time. I found a spot to sit and look at the temple. And started to pray.

I have been recently hurt by a good friend of mine, one that I have known for a long time. And I didn't know what to do it about it. I haven't been able to find an answer and was simply pleading to know what to do but beyond that I was pleading for comfort. As I poured my soul out and my feelings and everything that was weighing me down, I felt a peace and joy that I had all but forgotten.

Encouraged by this feeling, I knelt down in the freezing grass and prayed again, about every last thing that was weighing on my conscience including any sins that I had commited. And the most wondrous thing happened. I felt like spiritual arms were being wrapped around my soul and a feeling came into my heart that everything was ok.

Why I have been putting this off, I don't know. Why I was so blind before is another mystery. I have a few ideas but those are few and far between and probably wouldn't make much sense to someone reading this. Why I deserve this kindness and love is another question that I'm not sure I will ever find an answer for, at least not in this life.

I felt tonight that the words of John, the apostle of Christ when He walked the Earth, have been spoken to me and to my mind.

John 14:27 -- Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Nothing can make me doubt now no matter now that something or someone may try to paralize me with fear. It won't happen. It won't work. It is useless to try to get me doubt what I know to be true and deny what I have written here. So if anyone want's to try, go right on ahead but know that this is a battle that you can fight but will never win because I have the Lord on my side.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the one and only true church on the face of this Earth. We have the complete truth. I know it, I love it, I live it, and I cannot deny it. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

The Idiosyncrasies of Life.

Sometimes I feel like life just flows without ever stopping to ponder what is going on around it. It’s a careless being incapable of even having the slightest interest. And then it surprises you. Something happens and then you realize that life isn’t just floating on by like a scent on the wind. Life is the wind, bringing to scent to you so that you may enjoy the little things in life and see the big things too.

I Wish You Enough.

My Aunt Kimmy posted the following story on Facebook today:

"Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged, and the mother said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'

"The daughter replied, 'Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.'

"They kissed, and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

" 'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'

" 'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead, and the reality is - her next trip back will be for my funeral,' she said.

" 'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

"She began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.' She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and she smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we wanted the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.'

"Then, turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

" 'I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting. I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.'

"Then, she began to cry, and walked away.

"They say, it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire life to forget them.

"TAKE TIME TO LIVE.....

"To all my friends and loved ones,

"I WISH YOU ENOUGH......."



I would change this just slightly. I would wish them enough of the bad things to appreciate the good things but more then enough of the good things so they wouldn't be overwhelmed by the bad things. But, this story's sentiment is still sweet and it's one we should all remember.