For the longest time, I have had a hard time finding peace in my life. I haven't been truly happy. There were moments when I could laugh with friends and forget all my troubles but after that moment had passed, my troubles would come back to haunt me like the plague. I was hopeless and didn't know what to do. One thing came after the other and life refused to give me a break. I was so down and felt completely lost. Until tonight.
After weeks of feeling uneasy and like I was wondering in the dark searching desperately for a light switch, I finally broke down tonight. It was after midnight but I didn't care. It was cold, but I didn't care. I had to leave my appartment and be alone for a while. It was absolutely necessary. My roommate didn't want me to go out alone but I had to. I couldn't just sit still and feel sorry for myself any more. So, with my winter coat on my back and my soft-sock fabric gloves and my 6 foot long hat and my kneehigh socks and black boots, I walked out the door with my cellphone in one pocket and my keys in the other.
And I just started walking.
Planning on going to the Temple, I took a right and walked east up the hill. Little did I know that the grounds were still open. As I crossed the gate and onto sacred ground, I felt a peace around me that I haven't felt in a long time. I found a spot to sit and look at the temple. And started to pray.
I have been recently hurt by a good friend of mine, one that I have known for a long time. And I didn't know what to do it about it. I haven't been able to find an answer and was simply pleading to know what to do but beyond that I was pleading for comfort. As I poured my soul out and my feelings and everything that was weighing me down, I felt a peace and joy that I had all but forgotten.
Encouraged by this feeling, I knelt down in the freezing grass and prayed again, about every last thing that was weighing on my conscience including any sins that I had commited. And the most wondrous thing happened. I felt like spiritual arms were being wrapped around my soul and a feeling came into my heart that everything was ok.
Why I have been putting this off, I don't know. Why I was so blind before is another mystery. I have a few ideas but those are few and far between and probably wouldn't make much sense to someone reading this. Why I deserve this kindness and love is another question that I'm not sure I will ever find an answer for, at least not in this life.
I felt tonight that the words of John, the apostle of Christ when He walked the Earth, have been spoken to me and to my mind.
John 14:27 -- Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Nothing can make me doubt now no matter now that something or someone may try to paralize me with fear. It won't happen. It won't work. It is useless to try to get me doubt what I know to be true and deny what I have written here. So if anyone want's to try, go right on ahead but know that this is a battle that you can fight but will never win because I have the Lord on my side.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the one and only true church on the face of this Earth. We have the complete truth. I know it, I love it, I live it, and I cannot deny it. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
