Love. Is it worth fighting for?

I have given a lot of things to a lot of different people. My time, my tallents, my stories, my smile, even my tears.

But there is one thing that I have always guarded. Something I've kept hidden. And something I've been afraid for someone to really get to know. I don't want to get hurt. And I don't want to bleed out. I don't want to be left a shell of myself. Again. This time it will be a different reason. But I'm still afraid. I don't want to give it up.

I don't want to give up control.

Control of my heart.

But I've heard that love is worth it. So, I'm going to try.

I'm going to try.

I'm going to try.

Try.

Try.

The Protective Doors of the Mind

I've been reading The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss and I came across something 135 pages in that caught my attention. And so, the writing began.

Rothfuss discusses the doors of the mind which protect us from the pain we experience in life. He states the following:

"Perhaps the greatest faculty our minds possess is the ability to cope with pain. Classic thinking teaches us of the four doors of the mind, which everyone moves through according to their need.

"First is the door of sleep. Sleep offers us a retreat from the world and all its pain. sleep marks passing time, giving us distance from the things that have hurt us. When a person is wounded they will often fall unconscious. Similarly, someone who hears traumatic news will often swoon or faint. This is the mind's way of protecting itself from pain by stepping through the first door.

"Second is the door of forgetting. Some wounds are too deep to heal, or too deep to heal quickly. In addition, many memories are simply too painful, and there is no healing to be done. The saying "time heals all wounds" is false. Time heals most wounds. The rest are hidden behind this door.

"Third is the door of madness. There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind.

"Last is the door of death. The final resort. Nothing can hurt us after we are dead, or so we have been told."

I would venture to agree with Rothfuss. I've experienced a couple of these things myself. And while I can only speak from experience, those experiences have backed up his opinion to me on a personal level.

When you are treated as less-than-worthy or less-than-human on a day-to-day basis, you need an escape, even if it's just brief. That's where sleep comes in. But when you wake up and realize that you still have that problem to deal with, you need something else. This is where you can either choose to forget or to go mad. I chose to forget. So much so that ~12 years later those memories are covered by a thick fog. It has taken a lot of time and strength to thin that fog, even if just minimally, so that I may better understand the effects that it has had on me and how I can counteract those things. It's taken over a decade for me to be able to think about and dwell on those times. Though I can only do so briefly, it's a huge step.

I can start to become whole again.

You Don't Love Me

How can I hope to be everything that you want me to be if you don't love me? If I don't know that/if you love me? How can I fulfill every dream you have for me, every wish, every desire, if I can never please you? How can I hope to make you happy if I am never enough?

It's simple.

I can't.

The fact is, that I'm not enough. I'm not loved. And I can't be everything that you want because that just isn't me.

I don't talk to you because I don't feel that I can. I know that I'm goig to disappoint you and that scares me more than anything else.  But is not disappointing you worth disappointing myself? Is being who you envision worth betraying who I actually am, who I always will be?

Will being just little old me ever be enough or will I live my life self conscious around you for the rest of eternity, never fully able to show who I am because I don't trust you? Because I'm afraid of what you will think of me or how I will be judged? Because I care?

I hope that at some future time I will be able to give the answer I so desire. But right now all I can answer is a painful, slow, and resounding "no."

I'm not enough.

I'm not loved.

And I will never be able to please you.

That is how I grew up feeling. And that's how I feel as an independent adult.

I am nothing.

When dreams...

When the people around you
Your family-
Your friends-
Your classmates-
Your roommates-
achieve their goals and go on with their lives
while you wait on the sidelines for your moment to come...
what do you do then?

When you remember the hope of the world wrapped tight in the arms of
A child-
A star-
A life-
A future-
but that hope has long since left your world
and run to the arms of someone who can hold it closer than you...
what do you do then?

When everything you thought that
Will be-
Would be-
Could be-
Should be-
is no more than a distant memory
that fly on wings of loss and regret to the sky above only to look back...
what do you do then?

When you reach out to
Hold on-
Grasp-
Take-
Posess-
but your fingers only close on thin air
thinner than the air that fills your lungs while your flame flickers then wavers for a brief moment...
what do you do then?

Do you hide in your bed under the covers that used to keep you so safe?
Do you run and never come back only to be filled with regret?
Do you give up and let your dreams slide down your cheeks to fill the oceans with your sadness?

I've done that.
I've regretted.
I've been there.

I've also opened up.
I've also been content.
I've also been there.

Dreams die. But they also live.

What will you do with them?





April 22, 2015
1:20 am
Mikkia enters the MTC in 11 hr 25 min

I don't want to be alone...

Have you ever had a friend who you think has made a grave mistake? But you respect him and can't do anything about it? And don't want to because it will change who he is?

Are you afraid that this friend, who is not the first to make this decision/mistake/what have you, is going to take the rest of your friends slowly with you, leaving you to stand alone in your beliefs?

This is starting to sounds like some inspirational ad or something. But it's not. It's how I feel. How I have been feeling for several hours now and what is keeping me awake and unable to sleep. Or concentrate. Or do homework. Or really even pay attention when watching Netflix.

I have a fear. A couple, really. But this one is something I think I share with a lot of people: the fear of being alone. Not just physically alone, but completely, utterly, and totally alone. No friends, no family or at least not much contact with them, alone in your decisions/likes/love/beliefs/everything else in this category. Alone in, well, everything.

To stand on a hill, surrounded by people, but feeling the loneliest person. On a street just as crowded as Time Square when they turn on the Christmas lights and feel completely isolated. To stick out like a sore thumb to which everyone, even those who could fix it, has turned a blind eye.

There are other things I fear, but none is as crushing as this one of complete and utter alone-ness.

I might be an omnivert with introvert tendencies, but that does not mean I want to be alone. Some time to myself, yes. Alone, unloved and unwanted, no. Then again, who does? And if you do, why?

I'm sorry...

I promise I didn't mean to. If I said that, would that make it better? No. Of course it wouldn't. The ones closest to you are the ones you end up hurting the most. I can't change the past. But I can say I'm sorry. I'm sorry.... Can you ever forgive me?

Music

There is a certain calming ability music has for me. I absolutely love it! There is nothing better than being able to calm the heart and soul with the sound of song.

April 2013 General Conference

Saturday Afternoon

Richard G. Scott

• Many voices tell us to live at a frantic pace
• Regardless of circumstances, we can always center our home and our lives on the Lord Jesus Christ
• Any decision you make is conditional on the will of the Father and the Son
• Parents must teach children to recognize the effect(s) of their action(s) on others in the home
• Christ-centered home needs: Daily personal and family prayer, Daily personal and family scripture study, Weekly family home evening
• Consistent good habits lead to bountiful blessings
• Satan is no match for the Savior
• Satan's fate is decided: he wants to take as many people with him as possible
• Used properly, many "ordinary" things can be protection against the gross horrors of society
• If we would review scripture as much as text messages, we could have hundreds of passages of scripture memorized
• Acting obediently on promptings strengthens our peace and spirit
• Selfishness is a root of great evil
• One of the greatest blessing we can offer to the world is a Christ-centered home
• Reach out to those living in adverse circumstances: being a true friend
• Welcome into your home/life others who need to be strengthened
• Do all we can to serve, to bless, and to recognize God's will in all things
• No one is abandoned but in the watch and care of a loving Heavenly Father
• A thin thread of hope isn't just a thread but a massive connection to the Savior
• Do all the things the Lord has couciled us to do: time and a season for each
• Lean, grow, and become like Him one consistent step at a time
• Living an obedient life firmly rooted in the Gospel of Jesus Christ provides a firm opportunity for peace and happiness
• The Atonement of Jesus Christ is the source of that Abundant peace

Quinton L. Cook

• The Stakes of Zion are a defence and a refuge from wrath poured out from the whole earth
• Agency is central to the Plan of Happiness
• It allows for all the growth, love, pain, suffering, revelations, etc. that are essencial to understanding the Savior's ministry
• We are in the midst of wolves and hated of men but as long as we endure in His name and for His sake we will be blessed
• Peace will only come upon accepting of the Gospel and Spirit of Christ
• He that doeth the works of righteousness shall recieve their reward: Peace
• Peace: a deep and abiding happiness and contentment
• The Savior's peace can blot out our hates; judgement is the Lord's
• If thou endure it well, God shall exhalt thee on high
• God is the author of Peace, Satan is the author of Confusion
• The Savior's Atonement overcomes all uncertainty und brings peace
• Where can I turn for Peace? - the Savior
• Peace of conscience is required for contentment
• The Church is a refuge of those who desire to feel and have Peace
• The Temple desoves worldly cares and brings true Peace
• "Peace, I leave with you, my Peace, I give unto you. Be of good chear. I have overcome the world." --Jesus Christ

Stanley G. Ellis

• Nothing is more true in our doctrine than the first Article of faith.
• We are not spiritual orphans
• We can learn from our Heavenly Father in many of the same ways as we can from our own parents
• There are many sources to find the Lord's ways
• Look not on his countenance or the hight of his stature - look at his heart
• Truly, God knows best
• The Lord has his was (aka THE way to love)
• There is an authorized way and time to express that love
• How we raise our children in more important than where we raise them
• Harken to our leaders' teachings, rely on the Holy Ghost, and decide
• In the gift of his son God has prepared a more perfect way
• Go forth and cry repentance unto every people
• Our Savior Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, and the life

John B. Dixon

• Why stand ye gazing up into Heaven? Christ will come again
• Before the 2nd Comming the Gospel must go unto all four quarters of the earth
• Through the Prophet Joseph Smith Jr., the Gospel has been restored
• The Church has moved steadily across the world from nation to nation, culture to culture, people to people on the Lord's time
• All of God's children world wide are invited to take part of the Gospel
• Commit to be one of the members of the Later Day Saints
• We should have very little of that that matters least and very much of that that matters most
• The Revelations follow the Lord's pattern(s)
• The Gospel of Jesus Christ is available to all both living and dead

David A. Bednar

• Why is the principal of Chastity so important?
• Our earthly life provides a breadth and depth that would be impossible to gain in the spiritual world
• There are lessons we must learn, and experiences we must have
• The man and the woman are needed to learn from, strenthen, and bless each other
• Complete sexual abstinence before marriage and complete fedelity during marriage protects the Father's plan
• We are agencts blessed by moral agency not with immoral aditudes
• The Natural Man is the earthy man who has allowed rude animal patterns to enter into his life, being, and actions
• Men and women of Christ who righteously deny themselves and take of Christ's cross will be blessed
• We are by nature fallen and are most directly affected by our physical bodies
• The Spirit in deed is willing but the Flesh is weak
• Every impulse of the Natural Man can be overcome through the Atonement of Jesus Christ
• The overarching intent of the Father of Lies is for us to become misserable like unto him
• Satan resents us because of our physical bodies
• The Adverssary who is misserable because of the lack of a physical body attacks our physical bodies to bring us down with him
• Bridal all passsions so that we may be filled with love
• Love increases through righteous restraint
• I can think of no blessings to be more desired than those given to the pure and righteous
• Let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall they confidence wax strong in the pressence of God
• Guilt is to the spirit as pain is to the body
• The extent and lenght of our repentance must match the guilt and sin commited
• Obedience to the law of Chastity will increase our spirituality and ability to love

Russel M. Nelson

• Plan for the day when you can serve regardless of if that service is give on a mission or not
• Missionary work can be lead in the ward
• Catch the wave of missionary work with faith and enthusiasum
• Keep all that is good and true in your life
• "This is my beloved Son. Here Him." -- God the Father
• Our living God is a loving God
• Because of the Restoration knowledge of the Gospel is now available to all people
• The Book of Mormon is added to the Bible and they are in full harmony
• The Book of Mormon is the center piece of the restorration
• The Prophets aren't perfect but there is no error in the Principles of God which they teach.

Sunday Morning

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

• There are times in our mortal exhistence where we feel like we are surrounded by darkness
• The Joy and Hope of the Gospel can pennetrate that Darkness and Evil with the Savior's sweet Peace, Light, and Atonement
• If we allow the Darkness to consume us, our tourmentor (Satan) will have a final victory
• Darkness exhists but we don't have to dwell there
• Hold fast to the hope that with God's help we can be healed
• God's light is real and available to all
• God's light gives life to all things, has the power to soften the sting of the deepest wound, it can be the healing balm of the loneliness and sickness of our souls
• In the depths of Depression, it plants seeds to a brighter hope, brighten our deepest sorrows, illuminate the path before us, give us the ligth of a new dawn
• We can't wait for someone else to "flip the switch" but we need to act in faith
• "I am the light which shineth in Darkness" -- Jesus Christ
• We don't have to be perfect to experience the blessings of our Heavenly Father
• We can begin exactly where we are right now
• His light will instantly begin to enlighten, enliven, and ennoble your sould
• Turn your heart to the Lord in prayer and grattitude, letting him know of the trials and blessing, and pleading with him for his help
• Walk in the light
• Heavenly Father knows we will make mistakes
• He disires only that we rise up and become the people we are meant to be
• The Gospel teaches us the things we must know, do, and be to walk in the light
• As we seek to increase our love for God and for our Neighbor our light will be increased and we will be lifted up in the Light of God
• Rely on this promise: "I am the light of the World. Whoso cometh unto me shall not walk in Darkness but have everlasting Light." -- Christ
• Help one another to lighten burdens
• Even though we are surrounded by difficulty and trials we can be filled with light
• Our lives may be filled with or surrounded by Darkness nevertheless our living hope is in Jesus Christ, the pure, sure, and powerful enterence to Light
• Darkness cannot succeed
• Joyfully server God

Niel L. Anderson

• The life of Christ was filled with miracles
• Signs and miracles follow the faith of the believers
• The voice of warning shall be unto all people, all the world, all the nethermost reaches
• Faith overcomes doubt
• Even if we don't have a missionary tag pinned on our coats, paint one on our hearts
• Pray for our own opportunities to share the Gospel
• "Hold up your light that it may shine unto the World." -- Christ
• Faith will overcome doubt
• Come and feel the Spirit of the Lord
• Let's make sharing our faith online a bigger part of our lives
• At times we need to choose to follow the Traditions of our Fathers or the Gospel of Jesus Christ

Rosemary M. Wixom

• One of the gratest influences we can have in this world is through Children
• If we pray to fill children's needs their voices will be magnified
• Speak the words which are given to your heart
• Prescious time for communication can be destroyed due to distractions
• What words would you write if you had only 25 words
• My the words we speak and write to our children reflect the love of our Heavenly Father

L. Whitney Clayton

• Watch and learn
• No relationship of any kind other than marriage can let people grow and build stronger relationships
• The best marriages are built of the foundations of faith and obediece and being good
• Faith grows as we keep the commandments
• Repentance helps restore and maintain harmony and peace
• Husbands and wife seek to bless and help each other, putting the other's needs before their own in any discision
• Husbands and wives in great marriages make dicision unanimously
• Successful marriage partners are undyingly faithful to their companion
• Cleave unto your partner and none else
• Establish your marriage as your first priority
• Successful couples love each other with complete devotion
• Keep the commandments and trust the Lord
• Marriage is a gift from God to us
• The quality of our marriage is a gift form us to Him

L. Tom Perry

• Our next best course is to put in our hands such modern revelations and principles of the Gospel of the Restorration
• Obedience to law is liberty
• Satan's back-up plan is to tempt men and women to misuse our agency
• Never underestimate how driven Satan is to succeed
• Men are free according to the flesh
• Live the commandments of God
• Life itself is a poragative of God
• Sin will ALWAYS be sin
• Promised blessings DO NOT CHANGE
• In a world where the moral of the world is following, we must not pick and choose which commandments are important to keep but must keep all the commandments
• May we be a light on the hill

President Thomas S. Monson

• Behold and lo the Lord is God
• Truth abideth forever and ever
• Truth will weather the worst unchanged evermore
• Truth is knowledge of things as they are, were, and are to come
• No man recieveth the fullness unless he keepeth God's commandments
• Truth comes to us as we are obedient to the commandments of God
• Enjoy each minute of each hour of each day
• Never once did Nephi fail to do what the Lord asked of him
• To Abraham: In thy seed shall all nations be blessed because thou has obeyed
• The exhaltation of this people lie in walking in obedience to the council of God
• It is essencial for us to realize that we are entitled to this strenght and source of Knowledge
• Never question, murmer, or make excuses
• The great test of this life is obedience
• Follow thou me
• Willingly obey the Lord's commandments

Sunday Afternoon

Jeffery R. Holland

• Help thou mine unbelief
• Hold the ground you have already wond even if that ground is limited
• Stand strong until additional knowledge comes
• Even a grain of faith can work mightly miracles
• The integrity you deminstrate of the faith you do have and the things you know is what's most important
• It's ok to express doubt but also express faith
• Don't let questions belittle your faith
• We have more faith than we think we do
• What we know will always trump what we do not know
• Everyone is to walk by faith
• Imperfect people are all God has had to work with. God is dealing with it, and so should we
• We are finite vessels so be patient, kind, and forgiving
• Do not be afraid to ask for help
• God sends help from both sides of the veil to strengthen our belief
• Belief is a prescious word and an even more prescious act
• God is at all times, ways, and circumstances our forgiving Father in Heaven
• Christ was and is his perfect son who rose from the dead and because he did you and i will also
• If your faith is tried at this or any season, I invite you to lean on mine

Dallin H. Oaks

• Because we are of God and loved by Him, the World hates us
• Following Christ is not a casual or occasional instance but a continuing and committed way of life
• Men aught always to pray
• Frequent personal prayers and kneeling family prayers are founding principles of this Churc
• Seek out any of the flock who have strayed
• Love thy neighbor as thyself
• By this shall man know that ye are my diciples if you love one another
• Fasting to help the hungery with good intent can become a spiritual experience
• Bring Christ's teachings to every nation, people, and creature
• Be ye therefore perfect
• Seeking perfection is part of God's plan to return to Him
• If Children of God, Heirs of God
• Achieving this ultimate destiny in the eternities is our ultimate goal

Christoffel Golden Jr.

• Ours is a quest of eternal life
• We are made in the image of God
• The Father is the litteral fathe of Jesus Christ
• The Book of Mormon testifies of the Gospel of God alongside the Holy Bible
• The Son can do nothing of himself but what he sees the Father do
• Christ reverently and submissively turns his Will towards God
• The Father and the Son are distictly seperate beings but are one in will and works
• This greater gospel holds the keys of the Kingdom
• We are the Children of our heavenly father

Elder 

• The Temple is the place
• In order to contend you need two people. Don't be one of them
• Participating in celestial marriage is not enough. We must also live a celestial life
• The song of the righteous is a prayer unto me
• We should use the technology we have to tell others we love them
• How wise are the words of our savior "search the scriptures"
• How sweet are thy words to my taste yea sweater than honey to my mouth
• Don't just know the Gospel but live it

Erich W. Kopischke

• Even when we mess up, our Father still loves us and has confidence in us
• Seeking acceptance from the wrong sources for the wrong reasons limits us
• Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost accept us for who we are and are striving to become
• Know that our hearts ar honest and broken, our spirits are contrite, and be willing to observe our covenants by sacrifice as commanded by the Lord
• Engage in self reflection
• What no one else around us knows we surely know
• A broken heart is soft, open, and receptive
• We must open the door to our hearts
• Acknowledge sins and shortcommings
• Live day to day as a true disciple of Christ
• Partake of the sacrament each week
• Reach out to those standing by the wayside and need to be spiritually rescued
• Stand firmly and faithfully when the storms of life surround us
• Well done, though good and faithful servant who has been faithful of even a few things
• Fear not, little children, for you are mine and I have overcome the world

Bruce D. Porter

• Fear not, for I have overcome the world
• Our courage will be taxed and our faith extended
• Do not fear the future for God is with us
• There will be peace in Zion and in her stakes
• Though times may be trying we will find refuge in the stakes of Zion
• The power of the lamb of God will descend upon the people of the Lord in great glory
• Remain true to the Church and let the Spirit be our guide
• Trials will come and we may not understand but if we turn to the Lord he will give us strenght, knowledge, and power
• Always radiate good cheer
• Don't let your faith dim in the storms of life
• Let your good cheer flow from an abiding love and trust in the Savior
• Why seek ye the living amoung the dead

D. Tod Christofferson

• The savior's redemption has 2 parts: 1) overcoming fallen man through physical and spiritual death and 2) our own sins furthering the fall
• Know good from evil
• All men everywhere must repent
• Justice will also make right the suffering we have innocently suffered by the hands of others
• Missionary work is an incredible expression of the Lord's redeeming love
• We can assist with gathering both the living and the dead
• Do good in the redemptive manner of the Master
• Use what we are give to become honest men
• Some redemption comes through collaborative effors through the church
• Often we need more help and not more problems but the problems are often help in disguise
• As disciples of Christ we aught to do all we can to redeem others from suffering and sorrow
• Perfect justice and infinite mercy come from God

Pres. Thomas S. Monson

• May we long remember what we've heard these last two days
• Be good neighbors in our communities
• Be tollerant and kind and loving to those not sharing our beliefs and standards
• May we ever follow his example
• Be ever aware of those needs around us
• Extend a helping hand and loving heart to those who are lonely and in need of help
• There are always opportunities and reasons for rejoycing
• If we put our hands to the Lord he will help us through our difficulties whatever they may be
• May we be humble and prayerful, faithful that Heavenly Father can guide and bless us in our lives
• God lives and hears the prayers of humble hearts
• His son speaks to each of us: I stand at the door and knock, open the door and I will come in to him
• May our homes be filled with peace, harmony, courage, love, and the spirit of the Lord
• May the teachings of God be a protection to us and a buffer and a protection against Satan

Best Friends

That moment when your best friend tells you something that is hard to tell for multiple reasons and you tell something back that is hard in the same ways. I had one of those tonight. I'm so glad I have friends I can count on that wont judge me and will still accept me for who I was back then and who I am today and doesn't question any of the in betweens.

Little Hands, Little Feet

An anthropologist put a basket full of fruit near a tree and told the children of an African tribe that whoever got there first won the sweet fruits. When he told them to run, they all took each others hands and ran together, then sat together enjoying their treats. When he asked them why they had run like that when one could have had all the fruits for himself they said, "Ubuntu, how can one of us be happy if all the other ones are sad?" Ubuntu in the Xhosa culture means "I am because we are."

How amazing is that? Little children grasp a concept we adults tend to forget. Who knew that we can learn such powerful lessons from those years younger than us and with significantly less experience?

Peace

For the longest time, I have had a hard time finding peace in my life. I haven't been truly happy. There were moments when I could laugh with friends and forget all my troubles but after that moment had passed, my troubles would come back to haunt me like the plague. I was hopeless and didn't know what to do. One thing came after the other and life refused to give me a break. I was so down and felt completely lost. Until tonight.

After weeks of feeling uneasy and like I was wondering in the dark searching desperately for a light switch, I finally broke down tonight. It was after midnight but I didn't care. It was cold, but I didn't care. I had to leave my appartment and be alone for a while. It was absolutely necessary. My roommate didn't want me to go out alone but I had to. I couldn't just sit still and feel sorry for myself any more. So, with my winter coat on my back and my soft-sock fabric gloves and my 6 foot long hat and my kneehigh socks and black boots, I walked out the door with my cellphone in one pocket and my keys in the other.

And I just started walking.

Planning on going to the Temple, I took a right and walked east up the hill. Little did I know that the grounds were still open. As I crossed the gate and onto sacred ground, I felt a peace around me that I haven't felt in a long time. I found a spot to sit and look at the temple. And started to pray.

I have been recently hurt by a good friend of mine, one that I have known for a long time. And I didn't know what to do it about it. I haven't been able to find an answer and was simply pleading to know what to do but beyond that I was pleading for comfort. As I poured my soul out and my feelings and everything that was weighing me down, I felt a peace and joy that I had all but forgotten.

Encouraged by this feeling, I knelt down in the freezing grass and prayed again, about every last thing that was weighing on my conscience including any sins that I had commited. And the most wondrous thing happened. I felt like spiritual arms were being wrapped around my soul and a feeling came into my heart that everything was ok.

Why I have been putting this off, I don't know. Why I was so blind before is another mystery. I have a few ideas but those are few and far between and probably wouldn't make much sense to someone reading this. Why I deserve this kindness and love is another question that I'm not sure I will ever find an answer for, at least not in this life.

I felt tonight that the words of John, the apostle of Christ when He walked the Earth, have been spoken to me and to my mind.

John 14:27 -- Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Nothing can make me doubt now no matter now that something or someone may try to paralize me with fear. It won't happen. It won't work. It is useless to try to get me doubt what I know to be true and deny what I have written here. So if anyone want's to try, go right on ahead but know that this is a battle that you can fight but will never win because I have the Lord on my side.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the one and only true church on the face of this Earth. We have the complete truth. I know it, I love it, I live it, and I cannot deny it. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

The Idiosyncrasies of Life.

Sometimes I feel like life just flows without ever stopping to ponder what is going on around it. It’s a careless being incapable of even having the slightest interest. And then it surprises you. Something happens and then you realize that life isn’t just floating on by like a scent on the wind. Life is the wind, bringing to scent to you so that you may enjoy the little things in life and see the big things too.

I Wish You Enough.

My Aunt Kimmy posted the following story on Facebook today:

"Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged, and the mother said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'

"The daughter replied, 'Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.'

"They kissed, and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

" 'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'

" 'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead, and the reality is - her next trip back will be for my funeral,' she said.

" 'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

"She began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.' She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and she smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we wanted the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.'

"Then, turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

" 'I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting. I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.'

"Then, she began to cry, and walked away.

"They say, it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire life to forget them.

"TAKE TIME TO LIVE.....

"To all my friends and loved ones,

"I WISH YOU ENOUGH......."



I would change this just slightly. I would wish them enough of the bad things to appreciate the good things but more then enough of the good things so they wouldn't be overwhelmed by the bad things. But, this story's sentiment is still sweet and it's one we should all remember.

#2 - Wien

Heute habe ich ein bistien mehr geschlaffen. Ich bin frueh aufgewacht wegen meiner Mutter. Ich muss um 7:30 aufstehen und zu einen Termien gehen. Ich bin nach Karlskirche gegangen und fuer 2 stunden alles moegliche gesehen. Und dann habe mich um 13:30 uhr mit meiner Uroma getroffen. Es hat eigentlich viel spass gemacht.

#1 - Model Eisenbahn

Deutsch:

Das ist eine mein Lieblingsort im Hamburg. Es ist dem Model Bahn. Ich habe viele schoene Erinnerungen auf diesen Ort. Wenn ich nach Hamburg fliege, dann muss ich immer versuchen hier her zu kommen. Was fuer einem shoenen Ort!

English:

This is one of my famorite places in Hamburg. It's the Model Train Museum. I have so many good memories created here. Whenever I fly to Hamburg I try to come here. What an amazing place!